Category Archives: Uncategorized

Circles

Time doesn’t move
in a straight line —

The ruler is a
shared convention and
so is the minute
we talk about, we
each know


The clock cannot be
taken seriously,
per Alan Watts,
but social institutions
are hard to
leave behind.

Poem

If this were the last time

I ever wrote a poem,

then at least one more

was written.

If this were the last time

I put ink on paper,

then at least I’ll have

made a mark.

If this were the last time

I helped my daughter find dinner,

then at least I have been

a mother.

Grief and gratitude:

I never knew these two

were sisters.

– E Bacon, Jan 6, 2022

Accept, and let go

Why be unhappy about something

If it can be remedied?

And what is the use of being unhappy about something

If it cannot be remedied?

Shantideva

Accept, and let go.

I’ve been practicing this mantra of “accept and let go” that came to me out of necessity or at least circumstance last year. My father decided that his time had come, so he ceased dialysis and passed away peacefully in January 2018. My husband learned he had stage IV cancer and he departed the earth two months later, in March 2018. The dates are immaterial in the grand scheme of things, but precisely consequential to my experiencing great loss in a short period of time.

Death is a kind of loss that is more permanent and jarring than most other losses. We lose things in our lives all the time, from sweatshirts and sunglasses to jobs and relationships. Losing a human being to death, though, is irreversible and it completely removes that individual from the fabric of daily reality. (Even if you believe in ghosts/spirits, they are not the living person. I suppose that a celebrity whose image is captured and expanded, such as for example Robin Williams, doesn’t depart in the same way that your average person does. But my losses were average people…I have dreadfully little record of them, almost no video.) They aren’t here any more, period.

Accept, and let go.

The stages of grief are well known, and acceptance is the last of them. I felt and worked through shock and numbness, depression, anger, as well as denial and isolation. Each of those emotions or states still occasionally arises. Each of those feelings generates a reaction, most problematic. Thusly I believe that it’s the letting go that is most important alongside the acceptance. I must accept that this loss has happened, and let go of minding what happened, of wishing it were other. I must let go of a sense of injustice or wrongness as I accept the reality of what is.

Accept, and let go.

Every day — at least! — the universe gives us a chance to practice this awareness and flow. I’m learning to play the drums, and it is tremendously exciting and confounding at the same time. To date in my life, I’ve not done much music-making and my limbs barely conform even as my ears are still learning to hear and contribute ideas to my body. Yet, it’s a joyful practice to swing and make sounds. The beats are not always on, but I accept what’s done and let go and move into the next moment. They roll, we roll, and all there can be is acceptance and release, hearing and letting go. I have hardly ever jammed with other people, which, it turns out, leads to a whole ‘nother level of needing to accept, and let go. Sometimes I stop and shake my head at myself and occasionally I will laugh, but I am learning to simply…keep going. So it is. So it goes. Keep going.

Accept, and let go.

Best run from my first autocross in a year

I’m back to autocrossing this year! The big development bringing me back is teaching Alexander, who is Jeffrey’s 15 1/3 year old, about this easy-to-access, affordable, and super-fun form of performance driving.

This is my sixth run of the day, my best by about a half second, although my standings among all competitors that day was nothing but mid-pack. (Sorry, that metallic clicking sound is a dangly thing bonking against on the rear view mirror.) We’re co-driving our daily-driver, a 2002 BMW 330i that’s bone stock premium package & equipped with new Continental ExtremeContact DW tires. For shits ‘n’ giggles, you can view Alexander’s face during his very first run here on Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/61073322

Voice of Trees (a poetic rebuttal)

Voice of Trees

 

The trees, I do not think,
they would not speak so prosaically
of boredom and visitations.
No, they stand serene and
always connected to the other
tree and bird and flower and
even a very few people, lucky
ones who feel their quiet power.
If trees could speak and show
their being to those of us
rushing around on human timescales,
it would sound like poetry,
like musical scales, like whale song,
like motes of dust in sunbeams,
like butterfly kisses on your brow,
like laughter of surf on sand,
like beads clicking in prayer,
like a chorus of frogs in a pond,
like the chimes of a fairy brigade,
and you would not even know,
much less remember, you heard it so.

 

 

– Feb 22, 2013
– A poetic rebuttal to one of Frog Design’s “8 Brilliant Concepts For The Future Of Wearable Tech”